Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
