I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
