EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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