I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
