Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
