I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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