why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
