take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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