I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
