She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
