I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
