It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
