I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
