Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am one with the molecules
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