My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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