I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have fence marks all over my body
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
