What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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