Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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