I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
