omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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