Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
