I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
