and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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