the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
