Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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