Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize