We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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