Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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