if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
