My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
