I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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