Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize