Don't make out with my wife yet
are you so shy because you have an std?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
