I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
