wakey wakey hands off snakey
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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