the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
