dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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