I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
