like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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