Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
