i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My feet surprised me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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