Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
