no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
