her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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