Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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