and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
