who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
