If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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