So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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