Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You ruined the universe
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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