Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
