I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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