His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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