Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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