i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
