Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
