Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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