he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
